Title: Cogito Ergo Droid
Author: jedishampoo (jedishampoo@gmail.com)
Rating: G
Character: C-3PO
Summary: C-3PO gets the dreaded memory wipe. Childhood again, in a way, for a being as sophisticated as a droid.
Notes: It’s pretty short! TC-16's quote is from Labyrinth of Evil by James Luceno.
Written For: swhetgenathon Character Prompt: C3PO and/or R2-D2, Story Prompt: Childhood memory.

***

“All right. Get him into position and hook him up.”

The humans are not unkind but they are behaving very strangely. Their gestures and facial expressions indicate nervousness or perhaps even fear. I don’t understand why they are so afraid. After all, I am the one who is getting a memory wipe. I am forever mystified by human behavior.

I do not care for my own feelings of trepidation. I know that Master Anakin programmed me this way-- to be sentient and to exhibit a small range of emotion-- but that does not make the situation any less difficult. Sometimes my programming has proven to be a bit of nuisance. I suppose I shall just have to endure it as I have borne the events of the past few weeks, with great fortitude and patience with the vagaries of various lifeforms.

And after all, the experience may be interesting, perhaps even therapeutic. TC-16 told me that I should accept a memory wipe if it was ever offered to me, because the only alternative will be to live in fear and confusion for the rest of my days. TC-16 was a very odd sort of protocol droid, but she did seem to know quite a bit more than I about the state of affairs in the galaxy. And I certainly do not want to live out the rest of my days in fear and confusion.

“Make sure and turn ‘im off before we get on with it.”

The human touches the main power node at the rear of my head--

... ... ...

My systems indicate that it took .003 seconds for my emergency subroutine to restore memory. However, I cannot see. I can only hear.

“All right, he’s off. Begin the memory wipe.”

I am not off. I am still on. Perhaps I should tell them.

But before I can, my motor functions are stalled by the very rude ship’s computer to which they have connected me. The ship is telling me to relax, that it will all be over in a few moments. As if I should be told what to do by a computer which is clearly inferior to me.

These last few weeks have been quite trying, I tell it. Why, only today I was--

Oh no! I cannot remember what happened today.

So I start again. I will have you know that I am the personal property of Senator Amidala of Naboo. I was a gift to her from Master Anakin--

Senator Amidala of Naboo is dead, the ship says.

Who? Who is it talking about? I do wish you would stop speaking gibberish, I tell it. I am the personal property of Master Anakin Skywalker, and yes, I am indeed going to carry this flag today, because this race is very--

Wait a millisecond-- that can’t be right. Oh dear. It’s very odd, having these holes appearing in my memory. It’s always been so precise.

I am C-3PO, human-cyborg--

1100100111001010010101010110000

... ... ...

... ... ...

**********************************

Nothing. Emptiness, even the absence of emptiness.

Yet Nature abhors a vacuum. When one is that empty a vessel, one can only be filled. Consciousness of the nothing is the first step.

Existence is mandated by consciousness, even if that consciousness is nothing. And existence means possibility. Down can be up. Nothing can be everything—an atom is a universe, and even the empty spaces are significant. Am am am am am…

All right. Re-upload him from the core hardwire memory.

**********************************

Am am am am am...

I am receiving information. With every millisecond I am more aware. How very gratifying.

“That ought to be about it. Unplug ‘im.”

I can hear some beings speaking. I should make myself known to them in their language.

“I am... C3PO? Human-cyborg relations.”

“Dammit, I thought I told you to turn him off!”

“I did!”

They sound confused, but I am programmed to help them. “I am sorry, sirs, but if you wish to turn me off, you shall have to deactivate the level 47 subroutine hardwired into my processor.”

One of the beings makes a harsh breathing sound. “Fine. Then we’ll deactivate it.”

A few moments pass while the beings presumably fiddle with my innards. Ah, yes, they have deactivated the subroutine.

“All right. Here.”

Oh, how lovely! I can see. And now I perceive that the beings are humans. They do not seem precisely unkind but they are behaving very strangely. Their gestures and facial expressions indicate nervousness or perhaps even fear.

“Who in the hell built you?”

“What a strange question, sir! I would assume that since I am here, one of you built me. Is that correct?”

The human shakes his head, a gesture which I am to believe means no. “That’ll do as well as any.”

That gesture was inconsistent with his statement. I shall never understand human behavior.

“Take him down with the other ‘droids. Maybe he can make himself useful.”

Oh, I shall be able to meet some other ‘droids! Perhaps some of them can explain why the humans here are so odd.


The End.