Title: Die, You Bastard 1/1

Author: jedishampoo

Pairing: Gat/Hazel

Rating: R?

Warnings: Crack. And Gat/Hazel. I am so ashamed.

Summary: For Saiyuki Anonymous Kink Meme, not so anonymous since I’m a month late. http://vom-marlowe.livejournal.com/140768.html?thread=1001696#t1001696. Requestor (thread) wanted Gat/Hazel, crack, big gun.</a> And this is my first Saiyuki fic, so I wants all your derision. ;)

The door slammed behind the Buddhist monk as he stormed out with his usual hauteur. Hazel, sitting on the bed, took a couple of moments to privately savor the memory of the view, then glanced over at Gat.

His giant protector lurked in the corner with his customary passive stoicism.

"I think that went awfully well, don’t you, Gat?" Hazel said. "I think we’re actually getting through to him."

"Hm," said Gat.

"Oh, come on, ya big lug. Agree with me. You know I’m right."

"Hm," Gat repeated. But his yellow eyes shifted, ever so slightly, as if in discomfort.

"You don’t agree?" Hazel stood from the bed and traipsed over to stand directly in front of Gat, staring up into his face, the better to get a look at those guilty eyes.

Gat glanced down, then up, going back to his own private happy place where he could stare at the wall or window or whatever wasn’t Hazel. "I—I think," he coughed, then was silent once more.

"Out with it."

Gat coughed again. "I think you shouldn’t be so obvious."

"I can’t help it," Hazel said and then laughed, the tinkling, gorgeous laugh he’d practiced so long and so well. "He’s so—adorable. Oh, how I’d like to have him with us. In so many darned ways I just can’t even count ‘em right now."

Possibly emboldened at the good-natured response, Gat continued. "Maybe so, Hazel. But trying to sit in his lap, biting his ear and saying ‘we really should team up, Sanzo-chan, ‘cause we’ve got ever so much in common and we’re both so damn cute’ doesn’t seem like the way to go about it with him. He’s… prickly."

"Darn, how I love the prickly," Hazel sighed, turning to look at the door again, and running a hand down the front of his own nightshirt. And really, Hazel thought, fingers lingering at his crotch, teasing the base of his still-tingly-interested-from-being-on-Sanzo-chan’s-lap cock, Sanzo was the only person I’ve met who’s almost as good-looking as I am.

"Just… be careful."

"Don’t want to." Hazel let his other hand drift up to his chest to tease his nipple through his thin nightshirt. Lost in thoughts of pretty blond Chinese monks and the sensation of his own fingers, he didn’t realize he was walking backwards until his butt met the rock-hardness of Gat’s thigh.

Rock-hard thigh… Hazel closed his eyes. The most delicious thought had just occurred to him.

"Oh, Gaaaaat," he purred.

A heavy sigh shifted through the solid body pressed behind him, a sigh that said I’ve heard this before. "Fine, Hazel," a voice rumbled, making the big, strong body vibrate with such squeeful sensation.

"Goody," Hazel said, and scampered over to kneel on the bed, facing the wall. Gat was truly a handy servant to have. He could pretend the giant man was just about anyone, as long as Hazel wasn’t looking at him.

Hazel wondered just how big Sanzo-chan’s "equipment" might be. His gun was so tiny that it was obvious he wasn’t over-compensating for anything. So therefore it must be huge. Of course, the massive bulk of Gat’s gun was absolutely no indication of lack of size… elsewhere.

Hazel could hear Gat close behind him, belt buckle clinking as he unfastened it.

"Use the gun, Gat," he said.

"Yes, Hazel." Another sigh, and the sound of a belt being refastened.

"And tell me to fuck off and die," Hazel continued. Hazel felt the cold steel length of one of Gat’s ginormous six-shooters trailing up the back of his thigh, circling under the nightshirt… Yes…. Yes…

A deep, hesitant voice whispered, "Fuck off and die?"

"Like you mean it, Gat," Hazel said, with infinite patience through his anticipation.

The muzzle nuzzled his upthrust bum. "Fuck off and die," Gat growled.

"That’s better." Hazel balanced on one hand and wrapped the other around his now-thoroughly-interested cock. "More."

"You bastard," came the voice, even more gruff now. The mammoth revolver shoved up his ass was equal amounts pain and pleasure, but nothing compared to the voice. "What the hell do you want? You’ve got nothing to do with me."

"Ah, now you’ve got it, my dear," Hazel purred, blissful.

Thanks!